Stoopidness
by marthfan1102
Summary: Stupidness! It's inspired from OkageHime's fic : UPDATED! CHAPTER 5: WILL RIKU FINALLY GET ZONKERS? WHAT IS WRONG WITH SORA? WHY DO I STILL UPDATE?
1. What the hell is wrong with me?

Stoopidness  
  
I don't own KH or brand names ya moronic people eaters!  
  
~~  
  
((THE BEACH))  
  
Riku was skipping down the beach by the pretty water singing Dance Dance Revolution music. Then he paused and started belly dancing.  
  
Sora fell out of the tree he was sitting on(it's a palm tree so he SITS on it!).   
  
Getting up, he shouted at Riku "SHUT UP!"   
  
Once Sora saw Riku was belly dancing, Sora ran off screaming "The purple cheese is coming to kill us! Aaaaah!"  
  
((KAIRIS ROOM))  
  
Meanwhile Kairi was tieing Wakka to a chair who was screaming "AAAAAAAAH ya! GET THIS UGLY THINGAMAHOOGER AWAY FROM ME ya!"   
  
Kairi placed the chair by a table that has little retarded dollies stacked around. Once they were settled Kairi pulled out an ugly teaset. "Oh wait! We forgot you frilly pretty pink dress of pretty frilliness!!! Silly willy me!" Through all of the screams by Wakka Kairi managed to get him into a stupid repulisive dress.  
  
(WHERE EVER TIDUS IS AT THE MOMENT))  
  
Tidus was jumping around like a idiot who thinks he's a monkey, while scratching his butt. Suddenly Mr. Turtle appeared and said "Haha! Tidus is ugly!" And Mr. Turtle started laughing hysterically.   
  
Tidus got sad and grabbed a rock. Drooling insanely he stared hitting Mr. Turtle with the rock like an ape.  
  
"Duuurr Stoopid turtle...Tidus EAT!" Saying that, Tidus ate the turtle. Then he found a banana lying in the sand so he ate that too and got sick with SARS.  
  
((THE BEACH))  
  
"Whee!! Belly dancing is fun!" Riku yelled while still belly dancing. Some crazy insane fangirls were drooling at him watching Riku belly dance.  
  
Sora was still running around screaming something about killer purple cheese until he ran into a cocoanut tree. When Sora was knocked out by the angry tree, a giant potato came and took Riku's pink fluffy teddy bear named Zonkers.  
  
Riku finally stopped belly dancing and started crying.   
  
"Nooo! Zonkers! The pain! The horrible awful pain...without you...my dearest Zonkers..." Riku was sobbing uncontrollably.  
  
Selphie saw poor Riku crying and she ran over. Before Riku could say anything, Selphie told him to shut the hell up.  
  
"Shut the hell up Riku! Jeez no one cares about Zonkers! Mwahahahaha! The evil potatos shall take over the world!" Saying that, Selphie walked off picking her nose.  
  
Riku stared at her walking away with a disgusted look on his face. But then he continued to cry.  
  
~~  
  
I know that was a little short. I promise I will make my chapters longer (if you even like this story...).  
  
But REVIEEEEEW!!!  
  
Kool-aid guy(i dont own him either!): Ya review and you get free kool-aid! Yummy!  
  
Oo er ya right...listen to the giant pitcher of juice with clothes... 


	2. Giant Killer Potatos, A Messed Up Sora, ...

Stoopidness

Disclaimer: Please refer to chapter one.

Haha I haven't updated for a LOOOOONG time! Take this as a christmas present then :) Oh! Here's you free packs of kool-aid, reviewers! gives kool aid to those that reviewed Rock on! With a rock. That's green and speaks spanish.

Chapter Two: Killer Potatos, a Drunk Ansem, and Sora Losing His Mind

(INSIDE RIKU'S ROOM)

Riku was sitting on his bed, playing Go Fish with Tidus.

"Dammit Tidus! Stop trying to eat the cards!" Riku threw up his cards in fustration. Tidus just went and took a card and started to chew on it, staring at Riku.

Riku sighed but then took a newspaper, rolled it up, and whacked Tidus across the face with it.

"Owies! You gave me a boo boo!" Tidus started to whine and then he ran out of Riku's room, screaming, "I WISH I WERE AND OSCAR MYER WEINER!"

Riku shook his head and sighed, "Well, now that he's gone..." He started sobbing, "My poor Zonkers! What sort of evil could have seperated us?!"

"Evil? I'm evil! Mwhahahahaha!" A voice from Riku's closet started to laugh like a maniac, "Eeeeviiiiil! Oh, and dark. But eeeevil!"

Riku stood up and screamed, "Aah! I have a talking closet! Are you a hobo?"

The closet door opened and out walked...ANSEM! He did the strutting walk towards Riku and flicked his hair back.

"Oh my god!! It's...an giant cheese block!" Riku was still screaming.

Ansem winked at Riku, "For you baby, I could be."

Well it was too bad for Ansem because Riku was homophobic, so before he could say anything else Riku had ran out of his room.

Ansem stood there and scratched the back of his head, "Was it something I said...?"

(ON THE BEACH)

Sora woke up with a splitting headache. He tried to remember what happened yesterday. But he couldn't. Heck, Sora couldn't even remember his own name!

Sora started skipping down the beach, having fun in the sun. Skipping down the beach he did, Sora. Down the beach was a moronic kid wearing a red zippery suit thing, skipping.

"Yay! Fun!" Sora expclaimed, "Hey, what in the world could that giant thing over there be, when it obviously looks like a giant killer potato with a pink fluffy teddy bear? Hmm, I don't know Sora. Let's go check it out! Okay!" Sora skipped over to the giant potato with Zonkers, Riku's beloved pink fluffy teddy bear.

"Grr! Argh!...Oh hey kid. Move it. I'm on a rampage." The giant potato looked down at Sora.

"What cha doin? Sorases wants to knowses," Sora grinned.

The giant potato was a little bit baffled by this wierd kid suddenly skipping up to him, "I'm doing buisness. Now move, I'm gettin paid to do this kind of job and I don't want a schizophrentic kid talking to me."

"You're so mean to uuuuussssss!" Sora started to cry but then he suddenly started to do kung fu, "Give ussssss the piiiiink fluffy teddy bear nowwww...or else!"

The giant potato threw the teddy bear at Sora, "Fine! You all are so...racist!!" The giant potato walked off to become a fried potato when a hungry Iron Chef made him into...MASHED POTATOS! Oh the horror! The agonizing HORROR! ahem Sorry about that. Let's move on, shall we?

Sora grinned, "Yay we gotsssss the eeeevilll giant potatoses outssss of here! Good jobssssss Ssssssora...yes...my preeeeeeciouuuussss," Sora started to stroke Zonkers, Riku's pink fluffy teddy bear.

(KAIRI'S ROOM)

"Wakka? Waaaakka?" Kairi looked around for her 'friend" coughshehasnonecough. The frilly dress that she had forced Wakka into was now lying on the floor, ripped to shreds.

(WHEREVER WAKKA IS)

"Huff..huff...thank GOD I'm away from her, the evil psychopath bitch of impending doom!" Wakka grinned, "Now I can play blitzball, ya!"

But what if the blitzball didn't love him anymore? Makes you wonder...wonder like curious, a new fragrance by Britney Spears.

(WE INTERRUPT THIS BROADCAST WITH AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT)

Announcer: Reports have it that Ansem, a former...Jim I can't read this word..

Jim: It's..oh god..who makes these damn things? Um..you know what? I don't know....

Announcer: Aw screw it. Ansem has escaped from the federal prison of wherever it was. I warn mothers to keep their children safe because...he's a scary scary scary man! starts crying

(END OF "IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT")

(RIKU'S HOUSE)

Ansem sat there. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. But then he got bored sitting there, waiting. Waiting for something interesting to happen. But nothing did. So he went downstairs.Downstairs to the alcohal.

(AN HOUR LATER)

"If only I...had a brain hic Lalala la di da hic" Ansem stumbled around the house, taking occasional swigs from a vodka bottle (nasty stuff, really).

He stumbled around for a bit before deciding to watch the Rocky Horror Picture show.

"I'm a hic sweet hic transvestite!" Ansem was singing along to all of the fun sing along like songs.

Oh, the horribleness of Ansem's singing.

SUDDENLY, BLANKET MAN CAME IN TO SAVE THE DAY!!

(He's my own creation. If ya wanna borrow him, talk to me about it first.)

"Holy nightynight! This guy sucks at singing!" Blanket Man suddenly got an idea, "Oh I know! I'll beat him up!"

Ansem, hearing this statement, ran around in a circle, "NOOO! I need more...alcohal strength!"

"What in holy nights is wrong with you man?" Blanket Man went and beat the sh-nevermind. He just hurt Ansem really bad so that Ansem would stop trying to be Dr. Frankenfurter.

(KAIRI'S HOUSE)

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU MISS WAKKA! YOU RAN OUT ON MY TEA PARTY OF PINKNESS!" Kairi screamed and took a machete. Raising over her head she...CUT A PICKLE!

The pickle dodged her move and stood up, "I will kill you, meany!"

"Bring it on, pickle!"

WILL RIKU EVER GET ZONKERS BACK? WILL SORA GO INTO A MENTAL HOSPITAL? WILL THE BLITZBALL LOVE WAKKA? WILL THE POOR DEFENSELESS PICKLE ESCAPE FROM KAIRI?! FIND OUT ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF...DRAGON BALL Z!

Riku: whispers its called stoopidness.

I KNEW THAT. NOW REVIEW AND YOU CAN GET FREE...EVIL PIZZA SLICES!

sigh Another short shapter... 


	3. A Christmas Special not really a chapter

Stoopidness

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts blah blah blah.

This is not a chapter! It's just random funny holiday stuff.

A Christmas Special

Here are some christmas carols...Kingdom Hearts style!

Sora the Ugly Faced Child (sung to Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer)

Sora the ugly faced child had a really ugly face and if you ever saw it you would even say it's a disgrace

All of the other people always laughed and called him names They never let poor Sora join in any of their games

Then one foggy Christmas eve, Santa came to say "Sora your face gives me a fright,  
now won't you get outta my site."

Then all the people killed him and they shouted out with glee Sora the ugly faced child, you will have no history

Jingle Bells

Jingle bells, Sora smells Donald laid an egg Goofy turned into a squiggle and this song is very gay Hey!

Dashing through the snow, on a broken gummi ship Sora lost his keyblade and was swallowed by a fish

Kairi hit her head, the snow is turning red We all just wish that she would be dead

Jingle bells, Sora smells Donald laid an egg Goofy turned into a squiggle and this song is very gay Hey!

Short...really short. But hey, it's funny! Review? Flame? Both? Please?

(Lyrics for Jingle bells by Tara)  
(Lyrics for Sora the Ugly Faced child by Imkay) 


	4. Radioactive Man and Dance Clubs

Stoopidness

Disclaimer: Please refer to chapter one.

Wow wow wowies! Hvane't updated in, like, FOREVER! So...enjoy!

(ON THE BEACH)

A dark, shadowy figure was standing upon a log, weilding the all mighty...ZONKERS! Yes, this was Sora, the once-sane-keyblade-master who now has Riku's precious posession. He held up the pink, fluffy teddy bear over his head and started to sing, "OH I WISH I WERE AN OSCAR MEYER WEINER!"

FLASH! A bright, lime green light shone brightly and in the center of it was a Sora standing heroically. For he wasn't Sora the Keyblade Master anymore, but...RADIOACTIVE MAN! YES, WITH HIS SUPER, ULTRA, STUPENDOUS, UBERLY-COOL RADIOACTIVE POWERS, SORA SHALL RULE THE WORLD! But, he'll start with Destiny Islands first. (GASP)

"MWAHAHA!" Sora was about to try his luck at flying but stopped, "Hang on, don't super heroes get a mask?"

The author sighed and gave Sora a paperbag, "Here, poke holes into it so you can see."

Sora was about to do so, but he forgot the instructions already. So instead he just put the paperbag over his head with NO holes, "WAAH! DARKNESS! NOOO THE HEARTLESS ARE COMING! AAAARRGH!" He tripped over the log in which he was standing on, ran into a barbeque, stepped on a snail, got poked with a stick by a random Darren Shan (DON'T OWN HIM), and a tree smacked him across the shins with a baseball bat.

This was when Sora figured out he needed to poke holes into the bag.

"Yes! I got it," In his victorious poking of holes Sora headbanged, "Beat on the brat...beat on the brat...beat on the brat WITH A BASEBALL BAT! OH YEAH! OH YEAH! OH OH!"

(WHEREVER WAKKA IS)

"But...blitzball!" Wakka was holding his blitzball up to his face, "I-...I thought you loved me!"

The blitzball sneered (can they do that?), "No! I have found somebody else!"

Wakka gasped at this horribly astonishing news, "Noo! How could you?"

"I have been cheating on you...WITH JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE!" At that moment, Justin popped out of no where and started to sing "Cry me a River". That is, until a bus hit him.

(KAIRI'S KITCHEN)

The pickle glared at Kairi. Kairi glared at the pickle. The pickle glared. Kairi glared. The pickle kept on glaring. Kairi kept on glaring back. Then the pickle blackflipped away from Kairi and pulled out a LIGHTSABER!

Kairi screamed, "Oh no! I tried to kill Yoda?"

"Young one, in you, the force is not!" The pickle transmogified into YODA!

Kairi desperately tried to find her lightsaber, but it was too late. She had to get away from Yoda or he'll turn her into a piece of paper to be his minion.

The lightsaber came down swiftly...but it never hit her. Instead it broke her favourite china dish.

She stared upon it in complete terror, until anger overcame Kairi.

"You...you...YOU BROKE MY #$ING DISH! UWAAAH!" She pulled out the tetsusaiga and totally windscar-ed Yoda's lightsaber!

"I'M HERE TO SAAAAAVE YOU KAIRIIII!" Sora yelled. Unfortunately, he had to get Cloud to throw him in the window for the price of Zonkers and Cloud wasn't paying attention and just randomly threw him anywhere. So Sora hit the wall just past her.

Kairi turned on her heel towards Sora, "Oh? Sora? TEA PARTY!"

Sora was knocked unconsience by the blow to his skull by the wall. Kairi looked back at the pile of ashes that was once Yoda, "Oh deary me! I'm going to have to clean that up! Or...Sora will...muuuhahahaha..."

(A RANDOM DANCE CLUB)

Riku stepped into the large, loud building, expecting the toystore. What he found was a ton of people totally raving it out. The dancing, grinding and flashy lights were almost too much for Riku. His eyes grew wide at the flashyness.

He glanced around and saw Auron who was surrounded by a whole bunch of girls all giggling and being touchy-feely. He shuddered.

"Hey...that looks like Cloud! HEY CLOUD!" Riku waved enthusiactically over at the blonde swordsman. What he got was the finger, "Oh wow! He must be sooooo excited to see me! Yay!" Riku ran over towards him.

Cloud turned and started to run away, but Riku grabbed his scarf and yanked on it, choking Cloud in the process.

"Let...me...go!" Cloud turned around to face Riku, "WHAT'S YOU PROBLEM!"

Riku grinned foolishly and huggled Cloud, "I missed you Clodfish!" Despite Cloudfish's...I MEAN CLOUD's reaction, Riku dragged him on the dance floor. That was when the macarena started to play.

Riku started to dance all sexy-like (fan girls staring once more), "Come on! Dance, Clod!"

Cloud was being a party pooper and just stood there whilst Riku was dancing away with a load of fangirls. He sighed and muttered, "Oh god he's acting like Auron..."

(AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT)

Okay, this is from a comic.

(The Other Rikku)

Sora, Goofy and Donald were all walking. Sora frowned, "I can't believe we were swallowed by that huge fish!"

"Uhh, Sora, I think that was a whale," Donald said.

Sora pouted, "No! Shut up! It was a giant goldfish!"

Goofy nodded, "I agree with Sora!"

Donald got angry, "Hey, no one asked you. You don't even have a body so shut up!" (Keira couldn't draw Goofy's body)

Goofy retorted, "Make me!"

At that, Donald pulled out his wand, "Okay I will!" He cast thunder.

The thunder caused Goofy to turn into a squiggle, "Oww!"

The three continued to walk. They passed a familiar looking skeleton with silver hair (coughRikucough)

Donald got tired so the group stopped. After a while Donald had a fire going.

Sora asked, "Hey, how did you get that fire going?"

Donald shrugged, "Burned some stupid puppet."

SUDDENLY RIKKU APPEARS!

Rikku asked, "Who are you?

Rikku used steal. Stole keyblade!

"Blah blah blah," She spoke some random al-bhed and disappeared.

"Hey where did she go?" Questioned Goofy.

The author came charging at Sora...with a poppy!

Sora screamed, "Ahh!"

The author said, "Die."

"I will fight you with my trusty keybla-...hey where is it?"

(Sora's running with the author chasing him)

Sora: Aah!

Author: Haha!

Hey, that was special. Haha! So so so did you enjoy it? Huh? Huh? REVIEW! Or flame. BUT REVIEWWWW! And...uuuhhm I can't think of bribes right now.

Squall: Hey my name's Leon!

Shut up!

Squall: Grr! Fine...whoever reviews gets a free Gunblade...hey wait! Where's my gunblade?

Heeheehee

(This was sorta short...once again...) 


	5. A Ton of Digging?

Stoopidness

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN KINGDOM HEARTS OR ANYTHING ELSE IN THIS STORY!

Hey. Well, I'm actually surprised I made it up to chapter 5. Soooooo...ENJOOOOYY! Please?

#$8226581363$#!$&2 426 $$&&($

Chapter 5: A Ton of...Digging?

(WHEREVER WAKKA IS)

Skippidy skippy skip skip went Wakka. His blitzball that cheated on him was a thing of the past, because he found something new. It was...Sora's keyblade. That's right. His keyblade. For some strange reason, Wakka had this thing for inanimate objects. Anyway, so Wakka was skipping and holding the keyblade triumphantly.

Until he tripped.

The keyblade gave a huff of annoyment and slapped him, "How dare you! I'm leaving you for Tidus!" It then started to float towards a small hole in the ground where Tidus was digging like a dog.

"Tidus? What are you doing, ya?" said Wakka. Tidus looked up at Wakka then started to growl. Wakka grew scared because foam was at the corners of Tidus' mouth, "Hey man, simmer down, ya!" Tidus took that as an insult then charged at Wakka, eventually sinking his teeth into Wakka's leg. Wakka kicked and screamed until...LEON MAGICALLY APPEARED WITH A MAGIC WATCH! Oh, was this watch ever amazing! He went over to Tidus, and smacked him across the face with it! OH BURN! No, really. Tidus spontaneously combusted.

(KAIRI'S HOUSE)

"Oh, Sora, you missed a spot," Kairi was sitting on a beach chair in her living room. Poor Sora was dressed up in a silly maid costume and had a pretty pink feather duster. He glared at her, "No I didn't!"

"Yup. Right there on the corner of my coffee table." A look of horror spread across Sora's features. It was...the dreaded coffee table. Sora had bad memories of that table. It turned into a giant heartless and ate Aeris, making her into Smarties. He sighed and started to dust it.

The table kicked him in anger, "Go away!" Sora cried and ran out, leaving Kairi to face the coffee table. She got up all calmly, looked at the coffee table eye-to-eye (though it had none), and then screamed, "WALA WALA WALA WALA!"

It was so angry, the coffee table suddenly revived the vampire pickle jedi Yoda. Oh no! Kairi rolled her eyes, "I shall get you Yoda!" She shook her fist at him.

"Oh yeah? RAWR PAPERUS!" Yoda did some superly cool jedi mind trick and turned Kairi into...A CHRISTMAS CARD! Oh, was it ever a scary christmas card though! There was little elves dancing and Kairi was dressed up as Santa Claus. The reindeer were glaring at her and they were holding fish. It was a horrifying sight.

(THE BEACH)

It was a little bit late and Riku still was dragging Cloud by the scarf. He kept singing one song over and over and over and over and over again. Of course, it was about Cloud and his wonderful advertures of fish.

"OH CLOOOOUUUUD! WHY AREN'T YOU SOO LOOOOOOUD? LIKE FIIIIIIISHIES AND THEY SMEEEEEEELL LIKE YOOOUUU," The "you" part was sung in a really high pitch that sounded like Riku got neutered. Cloud had this look of disgust. They kept walking (well, Cloud was being dragged along the ground) until they met Leon.

Cloud suddenly perked up. "Leon! Get him away from me! He scares me! SAAAAVE ME!"

Leon rolled his eyes and went over to Cloud and Riku, "You're stupid," He said to Riku. Riku stuck his tongue out. Leon untied Cloud's long scarf, setting Cloud free in the process, "There. You're free."

"NOOOOO!" Riku snarled and lunged at Leon, head-butting him in the stomach, "MYYY CLOOOOOUDDD!" Cloud started to run away but Riku dived at him and grabbed his leg. He started to walk again, singing and dragging Cloud, leaving Leon doubled over in pain from the attacking of headbuttedness.

They came across the hole that Tidus was digging previously before. A little light bulb appeared over Riku's head, "Oh! I so totally got an idea!" Cloud was knocked out because when they were walking, he hit his head on a very large rock in chich swore at him and beat him with a spork. A little while later, dirt was flying up from the hole, "Dig a tunnel, dig dig a tunnel," Sang Riku as he was digging away with a shovel.

Sora came running across and stopped when he saw Riku and Cloud, "What are you two doing?" He asked.

"I'M DIGGING A TUNNEL FOR ZONKERS!" Cried Riku in extreme happiness. Sora looked confused.

"But...if you have Zonkers...why are you burying him?" Asked Sora.

Riku gave Sora a look that clearly stated 'duh', "Well, Cloud has Zonkers and if I bury Cloud, I bury Zonkers, then nobody else can have them!"

"NOT IF I CAN STOP IT!" Herioc music played and Sora put a paper bag over his head, "BECAUSE...I AM RADIOACTIVE MAAAAAN!" Sadly, he put the bag on backwards so he couldn't see once more, "OH NO! AAAAAAAAAAH! MAKE THEM GO AWAY! MOMMY!" He ran into a tree and was out cold. Riku shrugged and continued to sing, "Dig a tunnel, dig dig a tunnel"

(WHEREVER ANSEM IS)

Since Ansem got drunk from a few previous chapter ago, he had a massive hangover. Unfortunately, he also had Yuffie over. She was prancing around saying, "I'M A BUNNY" Over and over again.

He growled, "SHUT UP!" Of course she didn't listen and decided to try and eat his hair, "ARRRGH! GO AWAY!"

"NO! YUMMY HAIR! YUFFIE MUST EAT! RAAAAH!" A piano landed on her, making her into a Yuffie pancake. She gave a small "ow" then died, going to heaven but she got kicked three times by angels, then she went down to hell where Satan got scared of Yuffie's pancake-ness, sending her back up to earth. So, she lived out her life as a pancake, coming to a gruesome end by being eaten by Cloud. But, that's a different story.

Ansem sighed then got a telephone, "Hello? Hello? Hello?"

It was the operator who actually was Captain Hook, "Oh god. Ansem. What do you want?"

"CHEESE ON A MONKEY!" said Ansem. There was a click on the other end followed by a beeeeeeeeep, "Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello?"

32141215742157134654316 436 4587642 8$#$#! 7543 76557$&2&346#$775(76$42$6265547$&(JGHRJGHJRET74$&$

So that would be chapter five. Ehhh, I didn't find it funny but if I didn't update, Kiera would kick me in cosmotology class. Belive me, that's pretty darn scary. Sooooo...REVIEEEEEEEEEW. Please?

Cloud: You forgot to put the-

Shut up! That's for the next chapter!

Cloud: Fine...be that way.

Ok, I will! GRR! Hehe, anyway, so review, k?


End file.
